I'll have what she's having.

There's a new gym on the ground floor of our apartment building, occupying the space that was once one-half of the music store, before they downsized. I like to hit the treadmill fairly late in the evenings to avoid the after-work rush. I also prefer to avoid the grunters, those who are looking for a date, and even the gym employees - they're a little annoying as well.

I finished tonight's run around 8:45 or so, and grabbed a mat to stretch on. I looked around and noticed there was one person remaining - an older lady on the elliptical machine. I went about my routine over in a corner on the floor. The lady gradually increased her speed after a few minutes, and began to grunt a little..... then moan a little. She was muttering a few things that I couldn't quite understand, but it sounded like either she had a bad cramp, or else maybe she was having a really good time.

I realized she probably figured that she was alone. So I thought about clearing my throat or coughing - loud enough so that she'd hear it over the television, the radio, and her headphones. But to do that when you're carefully balanced on one elbow and one knee could only end in disaster. So I continued stretching. And the lady became a little louder... a little louder.... and then, out of breath, she stopped the machine and got down.

Then she saw me and started explaining away - that she didn't think anyone was left, and that she wouldn't have been huffing and puffing quite so loudly otherwise. I told her not to worry, and we briefly chatted about how great it is to get through a really tough workout. But the whole time I was thinking, "did she just... ?", and "is that even possible... just from the elliptical machine?". And finally the only thing I could say was "at least you know you'll sleep well tonight!" And we parted ways.

But seriously - I salute you, elliptical machine-orgasm-enabled lady. When in just one hour of your Friday night you can get in a solid workout, watch some television, and take care of business, I say you're probably doing better than most of us.